


Dysphoria

by RealityXIllusion



Series: Reid's New Friends [2]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Attempted Suicide, Body Dysphoria, Depression, F/F, F/M, FTM OC, Gen, Genderqueer Character, Hotch and JJ are only mentioned, M/M, Misgendering, Other, Past Abuse, Reid is a awesome friend, Reid is a good friend, There's nothing wrong with being Trans, Trans Character, Transgender, Transsexual OC, identity crisis, or genderfluid, past bullying, past self-harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-28
Updated: 2017-09-28
Packaged: 2019-01-06 07:46:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12206883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RealityXIllusion/pseuds/RealityXIllusion
Summary: At first when Reid received the text from an unknown number he was confused and a bit worried. In his line of work one could never be too paranoid when it comes to these type of things but then he received a text from Sam telling him that he'd given out his number to a close friend who really needed someone to talk too. TRIGGER WARNING FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS





	Dysphoria

**Author's Note:**

> Below is a link with a guide of sorts for FTM transgender's just add www. in front of the rest of the link which is below  
> And I would personally like to say that I find nothing wrong with one being Transgender, or having any other type of gender and or Sexuality, and that thought process includes all genders. Just be you, and whoever it is that makes you happy and comfortable with yourself.  
> Transition-from-a-Female-to-a-Male-%28Transgender%29  
> National Suicide Prevention Lifeline Number: 1-800-273-8255  
> And Please please never consider harming yourself or wishing you were dead. Whether you believe it or not, YOU WILL BE MISSED!

[ **James Dalman Texting** ]  
{ _Samuel/Samantha Beckett Texting_ }  
(Spencer Texting)

* * *

* * *

**Spencer?** -Unknown

 **Spencer Reid?** -Unknown

Staring down at his cell with a grim look on his face, Reid re-read the text he had received from an unknown number and was slightly unsure how to react. Obviously the person knew exactly who he was but the question mark added at the end made it seem that they weren't sure themselves. Before Reid could even begin to think of what to do next, his phone let out a shrill ping! As yet another message came through but this time from someone he knew.

 _Heya Spence_ -Sam

Sam! Hello. -Spencer

 _So umm... don't be mad okay?_ -Sam

That's not a good way to start a sentence. Are you okay? What did you do? -Spencer

 _I'm fine, and I didn't do anything!_ -Sam

Why don't I believe you? -Spencer

 _OK_ -Sam

 _So I might've..._ -Sam

 _Given your number to a friend of mine so they could text you?_ -Sam

You gave my number out to a complete stranger! -Spencer

 _They're my friend!_ -Sam

Sam! -Spencer

 _Plz just talk to him? I know he's trustworthy and he really needs someone to talk too right now and you're the only person I know who could help them out._ -Sam

... -Spencer

 _Please? As a favor for me?_  -Sam

...FINE. But only because you said they need help. -Spencer

 _Awe, and cuz ur a goody two shoes who wuvs me ;)_  -Sam

...I'm pretending not to know you. -Spencer

 _Rude!_ -Sam

What is his name? -Spencer

 _Fine. Fine. His names James._ -Sam

 _But seriously, thank you for doing this._ -Sam

It's no problem, I'm just glad I finished work a bit early. -Spencer

 _:D Text me later okay? Lemme know if he's okay?_  -Sam

Of course. -Spencer

 _Thanks, Feddy._ -Sam

It's been four months since we met, how long do you intend on calling me that? -Spencer

 _Consider it a term of endearment. Now ttyl, txt James._ -Sam

I don't really know what ttyl means but I'll let you know how everything goes. -Spencer

 _Thnks!_ -Sam

Sighing slightly at the absurdity of the situation, Reid went back through his recent messages and messaged back the unknown number who's probably been waiting all this time for a response.

Yes, that's my name. I presume you're James? -Spencer

 **Yea.** -James

 **Did** -James

 **Did Sammy tell you I'd be texting you?**  -James

They (Since I do not know their pronouns for today) let me know it was you who texted me instead of a complete stranger. -Spencer

 **But I am a complete Stranger.**  -James

 **Shit. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have texted you.** -James

Nono, it's fine. I don't mind. -Spencer

At least you aren't a serial killer. -Spencer

 **What?** -James

 **Oh.** -James

 **Oh yeah.** -James

 **I forgot Sammy said you're a Fed.**  -James

Yes. -Spencer

 **...Now I see why you'd be suspicious of a random text message.**  -James

But I know that you're someone Sam trusts, so I trust you as well. -Spencer

 **I** -James

 **Thank you.**  -James

 **That's incredibly kind of you.**  -James

You're Welcome. -Spencer

So James, are you alright? -Spencer

 **No.** -James

 **Not really?** -James

Can you tell me what's the matter? -Spencer

 **umm** -James

 **it's** -James

 **its kind of personal** -James

In that case, if you're not comfortable speaking with me then you shouldn't force yourself too, alright? -Spencer

 **No, it's fine. Talking to someone who doesn't know me seems...**  -James

 **I dunno. Easier.**  -James

That's understandable. My opinion would be Un-Bias this way. -Spencer

 **So I'm a...I'm Trans. Transgender.** -James

 **Like FTM Trans. Have been since I was fourteen I think? Well, I was 14 when I learned what it was called. Tho I swear I've been a guy my entire life.**  -James

 **I've sort of always knew, you know?** -James

 **Anyway. My parents, they...they were very strict in my upbringing. Jessie do this, Jessie do that. That's my real name, by the way, I legally changed it to James about two years ago.** -James

 **Well, when they found out about how I felt, they were mad. Mom would only yell a lot but dad he**  -James

 **he got physical. And angry. More then mom.** -James

 **I was scared. Terrified really. I never wanted to be home. It was like I didn't even know who my parents were anymore.**  -James

When no other messages were sent and a few minutes had passed, Spencer quickly typed his own message and sent it.

It's alright if you can't continue. -Spencer

 **NO. I can do this.**  -James

 **I need to do this. I'm sorry.**  -James

Okay. -Spencer

 **Ok, so...after a while I just couldn't take it anymore...I hated them. And even worse, I hated myself. I actually felt like I was going to be sick every damn time they made me dress as a girl or called me by the wrong pronouns and the wrong name. I hated ever seeing my reflection. I hated my body.**  -James

 **After two years I...I started cutting myself. Across my thighs and my stomach or even my chest, but I never did it too deeply, I was always scared I'd do cut too much but I couldn't bring myself to stop.**  -James

 **I guess I was just tired. I know I had depression, I got meds for it. But I was mostly angry all the time.**  -James

 **I was angry every time I saw my body. One day I just...snapped? Then it sort of became a habit until my aunt Loretta came over one day and found me. I was sent to the hospital for blood loss and kept there on suicide watch.** -James

James, I have a few questions and I would like for you to answer me honestly -Spencer

 **I can try?** -James

Are you still on any type of medication for depression or anxiety? -Spencer

 **No. I mean I was but them I stopped needing them. I take shots of testosterone now. And had my surgeries all scheduled...** -James

When did you start and figure out the schedule for your surgeries? -Spencer

 **About three to four days ago.**  -James

When did you start feeling...Off? -Spencer

 **Around the same time.** -James

There's your stressor. -Spencer

 **Huh?** -James

Your stressor. The thing that set you off. -Spencer

 **Oh.**  -James

 **Umm ok. Do you. Do you have any more questions?**  -James

Do you feel like harming yourself? -Spencer

 **What?**  -James

Do you feel the need to harm yourself in any way? -Spencer

 **I**  -James

 **I don't know?**  -James

 **Like I don't want too. I know it won't solve anything but**  -James

 **I can't stop thinking about it.** -James

Is there anyone nearby you? -Spencer

 **Nope** -James

 **I live alone**  -James

 **But Sammy's got the apartment two doors down.** -James

You live that close together? -Spencer

 **Yea** -James

Can you go to Sam's or tell them to come over? -Spencer

 **I'll go over there.**  -James

 **Hang on.**  -James  
,

,,

,,,

 _So James just came over._ -Sam

 _I'm guessing you told him to come here?_  -Sam

Yes. -Spencer

I'm sorry. But I really don't think he should be alone right now. -Spencer

 _It's fine._ -Sam

 _Is everything going okay?_  -Sam

We're still talking, but I think I may know what the issue is. -Spencer

 _Then what are you texting me for? Text James! He's staring at his cell like a lost puppy. It's kind of adorable really._ -Sam

James, do you know what Dysphoria is? -Spencer

 **I'm here. At Sammy's I mean. Yea, I've heard of Dysphoria, I mean, I've read about it? I didn't really have anyone to help me with this...I know what it is, and I'm pretty sure I know what you're about to say.** -James

Could you tell me what you do know? -Spencer

 **Well...There's more then one type of Dysphoria. An example is Gender Dysphoria. But from what I've read, I figured I must've had Body Dysphoria or maybe Gender Dysphoria, I'm not really sure which one.**  -James

Dysphoria is a profound state of unease or dissatisfaction. In a psychiatric context, dysphoria may accompany depression, anxiety, or agitation. It can also refer to a state of not being comfortable in one's current body, particularly in cases of gender dysphoria. Common reactions to dysphoria include emotional distress, in some cases, even physical distress is opposite state of mind is known as euphoria. -Spencer

 **Ok...** -James

 **That's a lot to take in. It sounds like something from a book.**  -James

Well. Yes, it is. I have a very good memory, But it makes sense doesn't it? And you know, it is possible to have both types of Dysphoria. -Spencer

 **A good memory? Well. Yea. I guess it does.**  -James

 **How do I**  -James

 **How do I make it go away?**  -James

Well... I would recommend seeing a therapist and telling them everything you've told me. But most of all, try to learn to accept yourself and to love yourself. -Spencer

 **Isn't it a bit selfish to go around saying you love yourself?**  -James

No. -Spencer

Not at all. Everyone deserves to love who they are even if that means accepting themselves for who they want to become. Despite how others see them. Honestly it's your opinion that matters the most, not anyone else's. -Spencer

 **But I don't know how.** -James

Then it's a good thing you have Sam and now me. :D -Spencer

 **Really?**  -James

 **Are you being 100% serious?**  -James

Of course, I am. I wouldn't joke around about something like this. -Spencer

 **I** -James

 **Thank you.** -James

 **Really, it means a lot to me.** -James

 **Thankyouthankyouthankyou!**  -James

You're welcome. -Spencer

Please feel free to contact me whenever you need me. The same goes for Sam. If either of you needs to talk or just need me, in general, don't hesitate to call okay? -Spencer

 **Even if it's at the crack ass of dawn?** -James

Although that's not the correct term, yes even if it's the crack ass of dawn. :) -Spencer

 **Thank you.**  -James

 _James just showed me your guys messages._  -Sam

 _He can't text anymore right now. He's crying._ -Sam

What? -Spencer

Please apologize for me! -Spencer

I wasn't trying to make him cry! -Spencer

 _Spencer, it's happy tears okay?_  -Sam

 _You did a great job._ -Sam

 _Thank you._  -Sam

Oh. Well. Your welcome? -Spencer

I'll leave the two of you to yourselves, please get some rest and tell James to think over what I've said. -Spencer

 _I will. Promise._ -Sam

Goodnight Sam. -Spencer

 _G'night Feddy!_ -Sam

 **Night Feddy. and Thank you again.** -James

Now you've started with that nickname? -Spencer

Good night James. -Spencer

Smiling slightly as he exited out of his messages and plugged his phone in for the night to charge, Reid stood up and stretched. Hopefully he'll be able to get a full eight hours or maybe even more before Hotch or JJ call about some case....Or maybe he'll just stay up for a little while longer and put his laptop to use researching more about Transgenders and Genderfluidity.


End file.
